Online Dating at the Speed of Light!
Using Internet Dating Singles Web Sites

What is Online Dating?

Online dating means using your computer and the technology of the Internet, such as web sites, e-mail, chat systems and so on, to find and make contact with new romantic partners who are also single like you. It doesn't stop you eventually pursuing such a friendship in the real world, but you can conduct your initial search, filtering process, and meetings using the Internet.

You can use the geographical reach of the Internet to find new friends in places where traditional ways of meeting people just wouldn't work (you don't get many Americans or Africans flying over to spend an evening at your local pub very often)

Online dating allows people to take active responsibility for their own lives instead of leaving their romantic futures entirely to chance.

Online dating sites allow you to 'meet' many times more single people in less time you would otherwise take.

You get to know a lot about other single people before you even meet them. You have access to detailed information about single people, via their online profile, before you decide to make contact, which increases the chance of finding someone compatible.

Another benefit of online dating is its ability to lower inhibitions, and facilitates openness. It can help those who are shy to pursue potential dates with less fear of embarrassment or rejection. It is easier to talk to someone online about things that might embarrass you if you were talking face to face.

Joining an online dating site is often much cheaper than anything you could find off-line. Initially, there will be no need to buy a new outfit, or pay for an expensive dinner, or wash the car, or do anything else superfluous to impress your date. You can just sit there in your PJ's, tapping away on the computer, and concentrate on exploring common interests.

You get a better gauge of a person's intellect. You can see how they write, and how well they communicate. It allows you to express thoughts and feelings you might not share in person.

Confidentiality. If someone replies to your personal ad, they do it through the service - your e-mail address isn't given out.

Who uses Online Dating sites?

More and more ordinary single people are using online dating sites, because of a number of trends in society which are converging.

People tend to marry later in life than previous generations, so when they decide to settle down, they may no longer have access to the social communities of their younger years, such as college, universities, night-clubs, raves and evenings on the town with school friends.

In the UK, back in the 1980's, Margaret Thatcher was the Prime Minister, and her government actively encouraged the 'mobile work force'. This work ethic is now firmly embedded into the workplace culture. Many businesses automatically expect their workforce to be able to move around the country, wherever the demands of the business dictates. As a result, many people move away from home, leaving behind the network of friends and family who once functioned as informal matchmakers, inviting us to parties and introducing us to other eligible singles.

Those same businesses also require us to commit more and more of our time and energy to their goals and objectives, if we are to maintain and build demanding careers. This leaves less free time in which to socialise and search for other single friends and partners. Also, with the introduction of sexual harassment legislation, for people in any senior position, it's too risky to make an advance to a work colleague for fear of it being misconstrued.

With the increase in the divorce rate over the last few decades, men and women who are newly single often find that their social community is made up of almost entirely couples (most of whom also know the ex, and therefore may feel uncomfortable about being seen to 'take sides'). Finally, those divorced singles may also be parents who feel that since their careers allow them less quality time with their children already, they are reluctant to sacrifice any more family time in pursuit of romance. All these reasons lead to an expanding pool of single people who are finding it difficult to get back into the hunt for new friends and partners.

Now, as well as these social trends, over the last couple of decades, the march of technology has been rapidly advancing. In the UK, approximately half the households in the country have at least one computer, and more and more of those are getting online every week, as people are discovering what a rich and varied store of information the Internet has to offer. As the price of technology continues to drop to 'commodity' levels, this growth will continue until it's cheap enough for most people to have a computer and most people to have a fast connection to the Internet.

How does Internet Dating work?

With most online dating web sites, you first register to become a member of that community. As a minimum this will consist of entering your name and contact details (e-mail address and so on).

You then fill in further details about yourself such as height, hair colour, age, and so on. You will have the opportunity to write some free form text as an advert. In this free form section you can list items such as hobbies and interests, but more importantly you can say what kind of person you're looking for, as well as information about yourself. With this information other members can picture you in their minds; what you're like, whether they might get along with you, what type of things you could do together.

Once your details are entered, you will get a membership number and a password delivered to you by e-mail. This allows you to go back to your profile and change the details if you need to. It also allows you to logon and use the facilities provide on the site, whenever you want.

All contact sites should have some sort of search facility where you can select details about the kind of person you'd like to meet, and then the search facility automatically trawls through the database to find all those single people who match your criteria. The profile tells you many things about a person straight away. Things that it could take weeks of more conventional contacts to find out about someone. You can quickly screen out those profiles which don't fit your requirements, and other people can quickly screen you out if you don't fit theirs. No wasting time being disappointed with your date, no hurt feelings when you have to call it a day.

Once you have searched for a list of candidates, you can go view the profiles of those people. Other typical facilities offered by dating sites such as NewFriends4u.com, are inbuilt e-mail facilities where you can send e-mail to contacts using the sites internal e-mail system rather than revealing your own personal e-mail address, and chat facilities where you can type messages to people online who will respond there and then.

So, once you have placed your ad, single people will begin viewing your profile, as well as you search other peoples profiles. People will start contacting you (and you them). An important point to note about people who contact you, is that they have taken steps to join a dating web site, and are taking their search for a relationship seriously. If you get a contact, you know that the person is interested in you (they will have read your profile) and that they are more serious about finding a partner than those people who just post an ad then site back and wait for someone to contact them.

Now, of course the first contact could be just the start of a chain of e-mail contact, which can happen as often as you like. The first contact may also be nipped in the bud very quickly, if you don't want to pursue it. Taking rejection via an e-mail (or more likely a lack of response) is much easier to bear than it is face to face or even on the telephone. No more bruised feelings!

If you maintain contact, you learn more and more about the person, and it may possibly turn into a pleasing online relationship. Eventually the day may come that you want to meet in person. When that time arrives, you already know many things about this person, and it will be a less stressful meeting, providing you are careful not to build up an image of the person which is impossible for them to live up to.
It is common, when we don't have enough information, that we try logically deduce what should fit in the blanks. If you're Sherlock Holmes you'll get this right every time! The rest of us make false assumptions, and might then be disappointed with reality.

What makes online dating better than going to my local pub/bar/nightclub?

Many people ask why should they bother with the Internet when they can just go down to their local pub, bar, or club? My first observation would be that if you're reading this there's a good chance that for whatever reason you've already decided that the pub / club scene is not for you, and do you know what? Your not alone! Many single people don't feel comfortable with trying to find new friends at traditional venues, so where else do they go? Well, since half the households in the UK (and probably in most of the 'western' world) now have computers and are online, there's a good chance they'll come to the same conclusion as you, and start thinking about online dating. Let me ask you some more questions:

How many people at your local pub are actually already in a relationship or marriage? Probably quite a few, unless you specifically pick a bar or club aimed at singles (and even then you never know who's there just for a 'naughty' night out!) How many people are at the pub or dance hall with their existing friends, just because they like drinking and dancing, with no intention of meeting anybody new? Again probably quite a few. So while you may be able to go to a nightclub or a rave with a couple of thousand revellers there, how many are actually eligible and available for a relationship?

With online dating, you are no longer constrained by local geography, and the only limit is how many single people are on an agencies database. At NewFriends4U we have thousands of members and our membership is increasing every month and that increase is accelerating, so we have more and more new members coming online, from all over the UK, and Worldwide. So, if your perfect match lives halfway round the world (or even just 10 miles away), you stand more of a chance of meeting them online, than at your local pub!

Dating web site search facilities can save so much time when looking for a new partner, because the profiles give you a good clue as to whether to bother contacting people or not. Using a typical search facility you can scan hundreds of members details very rapidly. Imagine how long it would take you to find out personal details of everyone down at the pub. At Newfriends4U.com we've gone one better than the normal search facility that most dating web sites offer, and that's keyword search. Our Power Search facility has a keyword search facility so you can search for words or phrases that members might have used in their profile advert. If somebody has mentioned in their profile that they like skiing, you can home in to their profile by using 'skiing' as a keyword, as well as the usual, age, height, and other details.

To pay or not to pay

There are many singles, personals and personal ads sites now operating on the Internet where you don't have to pay a fee to use their facilities, so why pay money?

Well, we've already talked about people who are serious in their intent in finding a new partner. If someone has paid to use a service, they are obviously more serious about what they are doing. They are definitely looking to change their lives for the better, and are willing to spend some time and money to achieve that. Contrast that with free services, where it costs nothing to contact members, so you are likely to get more people joining who are just experimenting. Maybe their intent is not as serious.

Also by using a paid singles service, you know one very important thing. The people using the singles service have credit cards, and if they have credit cards they are adults! There are a surprising number of young teens who masquerade as adults on the Internet, in chat rooms, newsgroups, and on networking singles sites, but they can only do this where it's free to use the services (doesn't stop them pinching Daddy's credit card and committing fraud, of course, but it's likely to put most of them off). You'd hate to turn up for a real date expecting to meet the guy with the 'boyish' sense of humour, who you've been talking to for weeks online, only to find he's a spotty 12 year old Harry Potter look alike. Well, hey! At least you've made a new friend!

Another common 'problem' with free online dating sites is that they use advertising revenue as their business model. If you're not paying a membership fee, then be prepared to be bombarded with advertising banners and junk e-mail, because that's how they make enough money to be able to offer the service.

The cost of joining a paid service like NewFriends4U.com is not much different to a good night out. However, you get more than just one nights searching, and the people on the site are more likely to be serious in their intent. You also don't get as many headaches in the morning as you do when you go to the pub every night, or sit at home quaffing a bottle of wine, watching 'When Harry met Sally'.

How can I make the best use of an Internet dating site?

The most important way of getting the best out of a dating web site is to know what you want to achieve, and to understand how much effort you're willing to put into your search.

If you are going to be a passive player, like many single people, then you are going to have to write a really good advert to attract more people into contacting you. You need to understand yourself very well, so that you can describe yourself in a way which appeals to the right kind of person. Get this wrong and you'll be sitting in the 'online dating desert' with virtual tumbleweeds rolling around you.

If you are going to take a more active role you also need a clear idea of who your looking for so you can make the most effective use of search facilities. Ask yourself "What kind of relationship am I looking for?", "What kind of person would be an ideal candidate?", and most importantly "What kind of words or descriptions will attract them?". If you understand this, you will be able to write a better than average profile. At Newfriends4U.com all members can get a copy of our six page report titled 'How to Write a Good Profile' containing further details about constructing your profile attract the right kind of people.

I'm a little embarrassed to reveal some of my personal detail, so what's my approach?

We all have imperfections of one kind or another, but that's part of what makes us unique. Do we all want to look like Naomi Campbell or Cindy Crawford (not me, I'm a man)? We might be the most attractive person around, but we could be a real pain to be with. On the other hand, we may be the nicest person on earth but we are short, rotund, and bald!

To use an example many people will be able to identify with, let's say you are overweight. Western society currently dictates that slim is more attractive than overweight. Unfortunately Western society is also fond of beef burger and French fries and other junk food (well I am anyway)! When you go to a bar or club you may be the last person asked to be chatted up, or worse you're ignored altogether. You end up doing your wall flower act.

Lets say you join an online dating community like NewFriends4u.com and you post a honest profile, including details about your weight. People looking over your profile will see your information. Hmm...., five feet tall and 200 pounds. If they are genuinely looking for someone who is not that big they'll click and move on. However, if size is not a problem for them, they'll read on to find out more about you. This is a crucial point, because although you may not get as many contacts as someone else, when you do get a reply, you know that person is genuinely interested in finding out more about you. It's the quality of contacts you get that is just as important, if not more important than the number of contacts you get. If you are dishonest in your profile you'll get more contacts, but have to deal with all those people who are disappointed when they find out you're not who or what you said you were. Dishonest is no way to start a friendship. So, I think your approach should be honesty, but with emphasis on all your good qualities (of course!)

Is Internet Dating Dangerous?

It would be wrong to assume that trying to start a relationship online has absolutely no potential danger attached to it, but then it's just the same when you meet someone for the first time on a Friday night in your local bar or pub. Do you really know if this person is safe or not? Do you really know if they're telling the truth or not? Only time and a little initial caution will tell, and it's the same with Internet dating. With a little careful consideration before you begin an online relationship, or have a face to face meeting, you can be safe. Use common sense just like you would in any real life situation. Luckily on the Internet, as in real life, 99% of people are just 'normal' like you or I.

For all people who join NewFriends4U.com, we have developed an Online Dating Safety Guide which has further details on how to make your self as safe as possible. In fact some of the advice is equally applicable to normal dating, but often people don't even consider it under more familiar circumstances.

All very good, but what about the disadvantages you mentioned?

Yes, I did mention there were some disadvantages, but they're not as bad as you might think. Those disadvantages which do exist are mainly associated with initial trust (as with any kind of relationship).

Anonymity can be a benefit when guarding your own safety online, but that works both ways. In the beginning, all you have to go on is information provided by the other person. You may have to do more research on a candidate that you might if it was someone that you met locally, because you can't ask local contacts about them. When you join NewFriends4U, you can read our Online Dating Safety report, which gives useful advise about how to conduct your online relationships in a safe manner. There is also information about how to perform some basic research.

Some Personal Ads may be out of date. It's not always clear what system various services use for removing old ads and there's often no indication on the ad itself of when it was placed. At NewFriends4U we can determine when an advert was first placed, and we know when a member last accessed their profile. We also 'clean' our database regularly by deleting those profiles where a member has informed us they no longer wish to be a member, and for those accounts where our regular e-mail newsletter is rejected continuously over a reasonable period.

Creating an ad that gets the right responses can be very difficult, unless you're used to writing 'ad copy', and you may not get much help with this. Your ad is your showcase and it needs to reflect who you are, as attractively as possible, to the right kind of single people. Also, however carefully you specify the kind of person you're looking for, you may get replies from unsuitable people. Men especially like to take a chance, 'just in case'. To help you in this area, at NewFriends4U all our Members receive a copy of our report 'How to Write a Good Profile', designed to help you write an advert that present yourself in the best possible way, to pull response from the right kind of people. Of course, if you want even more control, as a Full Member you can use the Power Search facility to seek out people who fit your requirements, rather than leaving it to others to contact you.

The Internet is a medium in which facial expression, tone of voice, and body language are missing, so communicating with someone across the screen is not the same as talking to someone face to face. You can't pick up the cues that you usually would, and it can sometimes seem impersonal. Again, at NewFriends4U we have some help in the form of our 'Emoticon' library, which will help you express yourself in text!

What do I do now?

You come and join us here today at NewFriends4U, of course! Now you know what Online Dating is all about, you can come along, try it out, and see if it's right for you. . As a Basic member you get the opportunity to:-

Search and browse 1000's of Profiles using the 'Search Ads' function.
Create just one Personal Profile and select to appear in searches for one or all of our communities for Dating, Social, Pen Friends, Sports and Dancing Partners.
Send Ice-breakers
Select and send messages using our Quick Reply
Receive our weekly listing of new members.

If you decide to upgrade to full membership you will get the opportunity to:-

Browse our members full profile details using the comprehensive 'Power Search' function and meet new people in your area, or anywhere around the world.
Send personal contact messages to our members
Select to send from our Quick Reply messages.
View who likes me and see who is interested in you.
Save your selected profiles to 'My Favourites'.
Instant Messaging, Forum, Power Search and with our new stylish version being launched before the end of 2007, Online Chat with Multi-room capability and private messages. New upgraded and improved online Forum facility? Improved Online Instant Messaging facility.

You have nothing to loose, and we look forward to welcoming you as a full member.